Vagus Nerve

I imagined that I bore my chalice safely through a throng of foes.
Her name sprang to my lips at moments in strange prayers and praises which I myself did not understand.
My eyes were often full of tears (I could not tell why) and at times a flood from my heart seemed to pour itself out into my bosom.
I thought little of the future. I did not know whether I would ever speak to her or not or, if I spoke to her, how I could tell her of my confused adoration. But my body was like a harp and her words and gestures were like fingers running upon the wires.

----Araby, James Joyce

我想或許我其實、不想要離你那麼遙遠

但是又覺得很溫柔很溫柔的你
是不是不應該該靠太近呢？

我想我是渴望著擁抱的、
但同時間又害怕被碰到。因為不知道會發生什麼事情

我或是你，接下來會怎麼樣？
你在想什麼好想知道
然後害怕自己會失控或者太貪心

雖然我　每次都很貪心
太高估自己的自制能力了嗎？

我好想好想當一個乖巧的好孩子
也好想好想當一個溫暖的小太陽
可是有時候我卻表現的那麼任性
可是有時候卻像佈滿烏雲的天空

我現在站在這個有點模糊的邊緣，猶豫著是不是要往前走
而我的身體
不受控制地不讓我往前、卻也不讓我做任何思考

說不定我只是需要一個擁抱　就會好起來

但現在還是，請讓我暫時躲著。